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The Days are Long but the Years are Short…

They tell me the days are long but the years are short.  I agree with that BUT goodness gracious being a Mom is HARD!  Many days I don’t feel equipped.  I’m used to being really good at my job.  I love to problem solve.  Give me what you want to do with your company and I can come up with ideas to help make your company great!

I have quickly come to realize my job now is so different than my skill set!  I stink at cleaning house and I never really liked baby sitting.  But I decided to work from home so I could be with my kids and that sounded like an amazing idea.   The reality is I don’t know how to do lesson plans for the day with my kids, I’m not the best at preparing to cook and I still stink at cleaning house because it takes me 100x’s longer than my husband does!  I feel defeated most days but my kids are worth it.  To watch their faces light up when they see something exciting or to hear their giggles when they aren’t trying to kill each other is worth it.

One of my boys has a disorder that makes it really difficult for him to want to sit for a length of time.  I didn’t know this when he was little.  All I knew is he didn’t voluntarily sit and play or want to read a book with me until he was almost 4.  So at the time, being a new Mom with a new baby and going places to meet friends and everyone has their cute little babies who sit so nicely in their laps and I on the other hand have my cute little baby who can’t even crawl and is so not content to sit.  He wanted to be on the floor or doing really anything but being content to sit with me while I had a conversation.  When you don’t know what you don’t know, you assume you are doing something wrong.  Gosh I am not doing something right in parenting if my sweet little baby can’t sit still and play with me.  Being a Mom to kids with high needs is extremely hard.  Your kids look normal, they are boys, so boys are wild anyway so the energy they give off looks normal to those who see them for a brief second but it’s that on steroids!  Or at least that’s how it feels.

We don’t go many places because it’s hard when places aren’t contained.  My kids are runners and the youngest is almost faster than me!  In the mornings I’ve chased him braless down our street more times than I’d like to admit trying to beat him to the stop sign before a car comes racing down the street and doesn’t see him.  It’s not that I’m not watching.  Oh I’m watching but I keep hoping we can do fun things like sit on the porch or go check the mail without the chase.  I keep hoping by giving chances, one day, it will work but most days it doesn’t.  I don’t want to miss out on things for them but I just have to adjust my expectations.  Or maybe I will buy the back pack for kids on a leash.  You know, the kid leash I always judged in my head when I saw them!  Who needs a leash for their kids anyway…well, now…ME!!!

Hopefully this will be different in a couple of years when they are older.  But in the mean time I’ll keep trying, I’m sure I’ll keep yelling but hopefully the boys will remember the adventures we have instead of the melt downs.

 

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Posted by on August 25, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

The Camel that Rocked the Station Wagon

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This pictures represents DECADES of laughter for me and I’m sure the rest of my family too. This week we took our boys to the drive thru zoo. We did so thinking our oldest might like it but I also kinda wanted to relive the past a bit.

When I was little (like maybe 4 or so) my parents took my brothers and I to a drive thru zoo. On that trip my brother Brad rolled a camels lip up in our station wagon. Yes, you read that right! The camel stuck his head in trying to get food and when it breathed his hot breath on my brother, he did what any 5 or 6 year old would do and rolled up the window as fast as he could!  In the process the camel’s lip got stuck on our side of the car!  The camel’s head was outside but his lip was inside and Brad wasn’t letting up on the window button anytime soon.  My Mom tried to get him to let go but he wouldn’t.  He had a death grip on the window button.  That camel was not going to get us anytime soon. The camel began to rock our station wagon trying to get his lip free!  I don’t remember how but eventually he was got his fat bottom lip out and was not injured in the process.

Needless to say, as I came upon a camel 30+ years later at a drive thru zoo I giggled and kinda screamed on the inside not knowing what was going to happen!  

 
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Posted by on September 9, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

Friends who spur you onward

I was walking with my friend Jennifer the other day and as we were being drug along by my dogs we started dreaming of fun jobs and ideas for one day.  Jennifer is the kind of friend who if you come up with a good idea, she’s usually down to go along.  I don’t think I would have done most of the things in my 20s if we wouldn’t have been friends.  We travel well together, work well together and dream up fun things together.  I’m beyond thankful for a friend like her!  I think we help each other do what neither of us could or would want to do alone.  

Then another friend who now lives an 8 hour flight away happened to come back to town for work and of all the friends to see and visit she came to visit me and my little son.  We were thrilled to see her and just catch up.  And then the same type of conversation happened of dreaming of our future and how we wanted to use our time.  I was very encouraged.  In fact on one topic I couldn’t sleep for awhile last night thinking of new ideas.  I was inspired!  

I always hope to encourage others to go for things but it’s really fun when it works both ways with friends cheering on friends. It’s the way it should be!

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Posted by on September 11, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

Our baby is here

This summer our little boy arrived!  He was perfect and so was his timing.  My mom and brother in law were in town to help us on the house and my husbands parents were on their way when the nurse told us we were having a baby that day!  He came early but I’m so thankful our family could be there.  And I couldn’t imagine a love like this.  Gosh he’s stolen our hearts!  We are learning every day new things on being a good parent.  

I was nervous about the infant stage because I didn’t know if I’d be good at it but I LOVE it.  This tiny little boy is so full of life.  To watch him smile and discover his hands will melt your heart.  It has mine!  My husband is a great Dad.  It’s been fun to watch him take care of our baby.  They go for walks most mornings so I can get another hour of sleep.  He beatboxes music (is that even the right word???) with his little arms and our baby seems to like it.  

I’ve never slept so little in my life and been so shocked at how well I’m still functioning!  I mean, I have my days like the other day when I left my wallet in the buzzer basket at panera instead of the buzzer and I almost ran a stop sign because I clearly didn’t even see it.  Driving drowsy is just as bad as driving drunk I’m thinking!  But for the most part I’m thrilled at how well I’m doing on such little sleep.  

I’m learning that our baby is my priority, not others expectations which has been freeing because I’m a people pleaser.  I’m learning that our baby is a gift that we’ve been entrusted with.  I pray he outlives us often because I’m terrified of loosing him.  I wake him up all the time just to make sure he’s still breathing.  I’m sure he’s over it and just wants a nap but I can’t help myself.  

I see pregnant women and I’m so happy for them and hope more people can have a great experience with pregnancy and birth.  I think we lucked out with our baby because he doesn’t cry very much.  I might be eating my words on this but he just likes to hang out and so do we.  I could go on and on about how much fun we are having and loving our little boy.  I never want to go through loss like we have before but I think it makes me appreciate all the more this little bundle in front of us.  We know he is a gift!  And one we are treasuring.  I hope we can be the best parents we need to be for him.

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Posted by on September 5, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

A New Chapter of our journey in having a baby…

 I feel like I need to post a follow up to our last post.  As you might have read about us losing our sweet little baby back in June 2012.  It’s still been a hard road, one that’s getting easier but we miss and always will miss our first baby.  I know June 18th will be a hard day again.  But a month afterwards, in July our new little one will arrive.

I’m sure I will post fun baby stories later on and of course get back to the purpose of this blog in enriching marriages but to do that I felt like I needed to post one more blog about the loss of our first baby and the process of getting pregnant again.  When these stories get loss in the joy of our new baby arriving I can look back and remember what it felt like and also in hopes that this helps someone else on their journey.

We found out in the Fall we were pregnant again.  Every month before I tried to tell myself not to be disappointed if we weren’t pregnant but of course I was.  That particular month I knew it was a slim change because of my husband and my travel schedule.  It helps to be at home the same time to make a baby :)  But thankfully the times we were home to our surprise ended up being the right time because in November the test turned positive!  Most people would be over the top excited but I sat and cried.  I was kind of shocked at my response! I think I cried out of fear, scared to love this new little one for the fact that there was a chance to lose him even though there were no symptoms.  I felt guilty for crying because it felt wrong but it’s what I felt and I couldn’t help it.

A week later some of the same symptoms started as it did when we miscarried the first time.  We drove to the doctor through the tears and thankfully not only could we see a baby on the sonogram (which was huge because we were so early) but our baby had a heart already and it was beating!  It was healthy and our doctor gave us a huge hug.  I think he was just as relieved as we were to find out it was healthy.  We waited to tell family a couple of weeks later when we were home for Thanksgiving.  Fast forward a week or so before Christmas and we were at week 10 which was the same week we miscarried with our first baby.  At church one night I went to the bathroom and saw more blood than I had ever seen before.  I didn’t know if we had just miscarried or what was happening but I assumed I was.  We called our doctor and he did tell me it could be one of two things and one of those was a miscarriage.  He told us to go to the emergency room if I was in pain, which I wasn’t or we could wait to see him Monday morning.

Anthony wanted to go to the ER but I just couldn’t bring myself to have anyone else other than Dr. Thomas tell us if our baby wasn’t alive.  So we waited from Saturday night until Monday morning.  It was the longest day and 1/2 I’ve ever experienced.  I kept feeling peace about it but then fear would jump in and trump what I felt like God had been telling me.  I was scared I might be telling myself what I wanted to hear and pretending it was God so I questioned everything.  This felt different and I felt like I could trust everything was going to be ok but just incase I was wrong I didn’t want to assume anything.

Our doctor texted me that night to let us know he and his wife were praying for us.  A minute or two later a good friend who didn’t even know we were pregnant texted to say she knew this might sound crazy but she dreamed we had our baby and I was holding it telling her it was healthy.  I needed those exact words more than she would ever know at that exact moment!  When I texted her back what we were going through and she replied she had dreamed it 3 times but didn’t know how to tell me.  I clung to those words and the words I felt like God was showing me in scripture.   We kept praying and thankfully the symptoms slowed down.  I know not all prayers turn out like you want them to but we were hopeful.

We went to the doctor’s office first thing Monday morning and it seemed like he stared at the screen for ages but he just wanted to make sure before he told us anything.  He turned the screen around and showed us the heartbeat.  We finally were able to breathe again!  We followed up with doctor appointments every two weeks until we got half way through the pregnancy.

I’ve had people tell me it’s easier when you’re pregnant again to deal with the loss of the first but for me, even though we are thankful it was still really hard to let myself fully get excited because “what if…” Then I felt guilt on top of that for feeling like that.  I knew I was robbing this baby of the excitement I gave our first one.  I honestly think it took us getting to the half way mark for me to feel like I could relax just a bit and try to soak in the reality that we actually are having a baby and it was a BOY!

I guess my purpose in writing this is that everyone’s story is different.  For us it’s been scary but we are also so THANKFUL for our baby coming this summer.  Just because we are pregnant again doesn’t mean that it’s been an easy road or that we’ve gotten over the loss of our first pregnancy.  That one was one of our babies too.  It is getting easier the closer to or new baby’s due date we get.  To feel him moving makes it so real.  And he and one of our dogs already have a connection.  Our little boy moves when Harley comes and lays near me.  It’s been so sweet.

Hopefully most of you won’t really know what all this blog means but for those of you out there who know exactly what we’re going through, hang in there.  Try to enjoy each moment with your new little one on the way.   It’s normal if you are newly pregnant again and wondering why you can’t let yourself buy baby things or get too excited yet.  It will get a little easier (or at least it has for us) but I think it’s a constant battle to keep fear at bay.  Don’t be too hard on yourself for feeling this way.  If you believe in God keep praying.  He picked this baby just for you!  Try to enjoy each moment of it.

From an excited new Mom to be,

– Missy

 

 
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Posted by on April 22, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

Aftermath of our Miscarriage

This summer was a whirlwind after losing our sweet baby.  A week or so after I went straight to working an event in California, then home for a couple of weeks to find out I needed my tonsils out.  After recovery of my tonsil surgery we were on a plane to a wedding miles away.  And although it was really fun I just didn’t feel myself.  I started listening to myself and how negative I had become.  All the while trying to get my body back in shape and healthy so we could try to have another baby soon, my mind was no where close to being healed.  It seemed to be spiraling downward.

In September I decided this was something I shouldn’t try to do on my own so I went to a counselor.  When you make your counselor cry and she then refers you to someone else, you know at that point you probably needed this more than you thought.  Somehow by the grace of God it worked out where she still met with me.  I’m not sure if she sensed my desperation or anxiety about spilling my guts to someone else but I was thankful she let me stay and thankful she is still meeting with me to this day.

I know I cried many tears this summer over losing our little one, especially when things got still at night.  But I truly don’t think I was able to feel the brunt of the reality until this Fall.  Our baby died.  Before being pregnant I knew miscarriages happened all the time, I knew there was a reason when it happened and I knew it was usually for the better since something didn’t form right.  And I even knew your chances of getting pregnant are the greatest they will ever be right after a miscarriage.  I knew all these things and sadly these are things I actually remember saying to encourage two of my friends years ago when they miscarried.  To those two ladies I am forever sorry and wish more than anything I could take those words back!  Yes those things might be true but that’s the world’s worst thing you could say to a Mom who all she wants is her baby back!  That’s all I wanted.  I was obsessed over every detail leading up to the day to try to figure out what happened, ways to blame myself so I would have a definite answer on why.   I will forever be thankful for those friends who just sat and cried with us and listened.  The ones who asked good questions on how we were doing that day.  For the ones who simply remembered and didn’t ignore us or pretend it didn’t happen.  And to my amazing husband who did more than I can begin to describe to make sure I was taken care of, held, cried with and talk through all the fears and obsessions on figuring out something that there was no answer to.  I’m beyond thankful he is the man he is and for God, our family, close friends and our counselor.  I wouldn’t have made it without you all.

 
 

Move That BUS!!!! – more adventures from my first trip to Hawaii

Sunday Tiff and I went by the Extreme Make Over site where they were filming Tye showing the workers and talking to the family who is on vacation. They had a hawaiian band that played for all the workers and crew. The house they built is beautiful. Tomorrow we are going back so we can see the family come home and we’ll get to yell “Move That Bus” It’s been and exciting trip so far for sure! On the way back up the mountain to the car there was a line of traffic on it’s way down. I saw a jeep wrangler and so when it came close i looked over and saw a guy that i thought i knew. I kept walking thinking why would i know anyone in Hawaii? Then it hit me…that was the bachelor from the Officer and the Gentleman episode! Ha ha… too funny.

This episode will kick off the Home Makeover next season. I think I might need to come back to Hawaii to watch this episode with my new friends.