They tell me the days are long but the years are short. I agree with that BUT goodness gracious being a Mom is HARD! Many days I don’t feel equipped. I’m used to being really good at my job. I love to problem solve. Give me what you want to do with your company and I can come up with ideas to help make your company great!
I have quickly come to realize my job now is so different than my skill set! I stink at cleaning house and I never really liked baby sitting. But I decided to work from home so I could be with my kids and that sounded like an amazing idea. The reality is I don’t know how to do lesson plans for the day with my kids, I’m not the best at preparing to cook and I still stink at cleaning house because it takes me 100x’s longer than my husband does! I feel defeated most days but my kids are worth it. To watch their faces light up when they see something exciting or to hear their giggles when they aren’t trying to kill each other is worth it.
One of my boys has a disorder that makes it really difficult for him to want to sit for a length of time. I didn’t know this when he was little. All I knew is he didn’t voluntarily sit and play or want to read a book with me until he was almost 4. So at the time, being a new Mom with a new baby and going places to meet friends and everyone has their cute little babies who sit so nicely in their laps and I on the other hand have my cute little baby who can’t even crawl and is so not content to sit. He wanted to be on the floor or doing really anything but being content to sit with me while I had a conversation. When you don’t know what you don’t know, you assume you are doing something wrong. Gosh I am not doing something right in parenting if my sweet little baby can’t sit still and play with me. Being a Mom to kids with high needs is extremely hard. Your kids look normal, they are boys, so boys are wild anyway so the energy they give off looks normal to those who see them for a brief second but it’s that on steroids! Or at least that’s how it feels.
We don’t go many places because it’s hard when places aren’t contained. My kids are runners and the youngest is almost faster than me! In the mornings I’ve chased him braless down our street more times than I’d like to admit trying to beat him to the stop sign before a car comes racing down the street and doesn’t see him. It’s not that I’m not watching. Oh I’m watching but I keep hoping we can do fun things like sit on the porch or go check the mail without the chase. I keep hoping by giving chances, one day, it will work but most days it doesn’t. I don’t want to miss out on things for them but I just have to adjust my expectations. Or maybe I will buy the back pack for kids on a leash. You know, the kid leash I always judged in my head when I saw them! Who needs a leash for their kids anyway…well, now…ME!!!
Hopefully this will be different in a couple of years when they are older. But in the mean time I’ll keep trying, I’m sure I’ll keep yelling but hopefully the boys will remember the adventures we have instead of the melt downs.